So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
