look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
