its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
