guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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