it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
