i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
