I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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