The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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