Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
