I wish I could teleport
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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