I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
