and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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