Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize