I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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