her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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