My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
