I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There r osticjed everywhere
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
