So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
