why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
