I just saw a hot homeless man
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
