I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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