I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
