Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
