my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
