I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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