I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
