wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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