if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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