I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can I color on your dick again?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
