It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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