i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
