after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
