Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
