Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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