Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
