you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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