I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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