No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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