I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
