peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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