I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
