he shaved USA in his pubs
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
