Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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