Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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