the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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