In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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