you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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