You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
