they need to just BURY HIM!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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