Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
