She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
