Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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