I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
