I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
