Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize