3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
