"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
