You can't special order awesome
I could make wine with my vomit
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize