apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
