I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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