She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
