I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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