I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
