how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
