I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
