At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
