the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
