i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
