Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
