Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
