Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize