I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
