She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
