yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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