you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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