dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
