worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
