ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
