so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
