someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I didn't shave. On purpose
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
