Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
