she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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