Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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