So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
