I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
