Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
