i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
