Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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