dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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