I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
