Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
