I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
