he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
