Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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