She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
