my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
