Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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