I wanna bring you to show and tell
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize