You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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