i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
