I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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