She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we're so committed to being not committed
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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