when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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