i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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