Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
