Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you would pick up someone in the library
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
