I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
