You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
