her vagine was all disorganized.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
